Rules of Adulthood

Rules of Adulthood

I did not pull these out of thin air. I learned each of them the hard way—by trying to grow up.

1-Every person is important
I need to learn that it’s not all about me. Every person who enters my life is important to God, so they should be important to me. Their story is just as precious to God as mine is. Everyone deserves my respect.

2-Every day is important
I need to learn that every day belongs to God, and every day contains special ways for me to grow. Work days are important. Weekends are important. Mostly I need to learn that ordinary days are important. God is all about doing special things in ordinary days.

3-I am responsible for my choices and only mine
I need to own each and every one of my choices, and to not own the choices of others. For my own choices, I have to stop saying “I had no choice.” And I have to stop saying “It’s my fault” when others make their own bad choices.

4-If it is important, do it no matter what
I need to learn that to delay obedience is to prolong disobedience. I have to stop saying “I’ll do it, Lord—just not today.” Over the days, weeks, and months, this becomes a slow disobedience. When windows of opportunity close, good things don’t happen. If it is important, do it now. No matter what.

5-When talking about someone, only say what you’d say to their face
I need to learn that there is no place for saying nasty things about others. If said as a joke, it’s a bad joke. If said in the process of dealing with a problem, it is unnecessary and ugly. It’s a beautiful thing to hear someone deal forthrightly with a problem, while speaking respectfully of all who are involved. I want to be like that.

6-Fear God and only God
I need to learn how to deal with fear, especially fear of people. The Bible commands us to fear God and to not fear people. I need to fear God, acknowledging him as utterly supreme. Then with God firmly in charge, I can be done with those other fears.

7-Live in the moment
I need to learn how to not worry. When I worry, I’m living in an imaginary terrible future, which is a place very different from the here-and-now. But if I want to be with God, I need to be where he is: in the here-and-now. When I start worrying, and I want God’s powerful presence, I just say “Lord, I’m staying right here (in the moment) with you.”

8-Find your voice and use it
I need to speak up. I’ve struggled beneath mountains of insecurity, and have lived with fear in social occasions (shyness) and public-speaking events (stage fright). I have learned that speaking up is one version of opening up. I know that I want to be a person who shares myself with others, and I simply need to remind myself that speaking up is one way to do that.